


with all of my love

by ecomexi



Category: Ensemble Stars, Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Hanahaki AU, M/M, also tori is hard for me to write so have mercy please, edit: this old but good excuse formatting issues, happyele is too vague, i do some guesswork ab yuzuru's bg, theyre mushy and sweet, yuzuru monologues a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-30 00:15:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12096513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ecomexi/pseuds/ecomexi
Summary: Yuzuru swallowed, his throat feeling tight. He felt choked up as if he was especially proud of Tori, or if Tori had softened towards him in an unprecedented way. Those many times where tears foolishly slipped down his face, falling; easy and ugly and clumsy. They were always happy tears, of course -- at the very least, bittersweet -- and they were never despair-ridden or disappointed. And yet, Yuzuru felt rather embarrassed recalling them. And he felt his chest tighten and his throat close at the thought and he couldn't help but wheeze and cough.He choked out a few vibrant purple lilacs, and they fluttered to his hands. It's a few seconds before he realizes that his face is wet with tears. Yuzuru really did cry way too easily. He wiped his eyes, scolding himself over this very thing, and stood up. He stared still at the lilacs resting in his palms.So this suffocating feeling was called love.





	with all of my love

**Author's Note:**

> so since this is a hanahaki au you're damn right i have a guide to the meanings of the flowers i used, here's a link if you want to read along with it -- (http://my.w.tt/UiNb/0zJbT1BtIG)
> 
> and this is the website i used for the meanings -- (http://www.languageofflowers.com/flowermeaning.htm#anchoro)
> 
> anyway i've worked hard on this story so kudos/comments are appreciated etc etc! i love validation

_Creak_ , the bedroom door opened, the lulled breath of a young highschooler present. Yuzuru pushed it open, taking meticulous care to be quiet; although for him it was more similar to an instinct. He hadn't known that Tori was asleep already, but somehow, he wasn't surprised in the slightest. _fine_ had worked especially hard the previous couple hours. Tori, as was typical of him lately, was trying his very hardest to keep up with the others' pace. Overworking himself, and Wataru overworking him, and... Well, perhaps it was just Yuzuru being overprotective again.

Yuzuru drew closer to the bedside, and he leaned over to observe. It looked as if Tori had fallen asleep as soon as they gotten back from practice. His practice clothes stuck to his sweaty body, and when Yuzuru reached over to touch his forehead it was still uncomfortably damp with perspiration. Yuzuru stood there, motionless and with his hand curled around Tori's sweaty hairline, and listened for a moment. He listened to Tori's slow breathing, his sleepy mumbling. Suddenly Yuzuru froze and felt his muscles tense in alarm.

Of course it was something small, something that no one would notice about Tori except him. Someone like him, Tori's servant and more or less his caregiver, would _have_ to have been able to notice, or he wouldn't be able to call himself worthy of serving the Himemiyas. Yuzuru had grown so used to the same-ish patterns of Tori's breathing while sleeping that even the slightest change was, well, concerning. Especially if his breathing was shallow, short, and irregular. Without any hesitation, Yuzuru leaned over and patted Tori's back -- as one might do with a baby -- and Tori coughed violently.

Tori coughed, and a flurry of purple-brown flower petals flew from his lips as if they had been waiting for years to escape. Chocolate lilies. Kamchatka lilies. They felt foreboding and void of life; yet still beautiful in a strange, mysterious way. As beautiful as hacked up flower petals could be. Yuzuru stayed immobile for a stunned moment as Tori drifted off to sleep again. He mumbled and wriggled back into his pillow softly, and Yuzuru watched him, somewhat shocked. Once he had processed it -- _Bocchama coughed up flowers, yes, this is definitely strange_ \-- Yuzuru crouched down.

As if his hands had a mind of their own, he gathered a multitude of petals at his knees; he scooped them up. Some were redder, some more purple, other more sinilar to a deep chocolate brown; all of them were some sort of mix of the three. He recalled his gloves sitting on his bedstand -- perhaps he should have worn those, this cleanup didn't seem the most sanitary after all -- but dismissed it, beginning to clean up the mess Tori had made. Barely thinking about the cleanup process, he collected the rest of the petals, stepped into the bathroom, and let them flutter into the toilet. He flushed it.

Tori's breathing had stabilized after the peculiar incident, so Yuzuru silently closed the door again. Once it closed with a click, he heaved out an overwhelmed sigh, and slid down to his knees in front of the room. He tried to sort out his thoughts as he watched the ceiling fan in the main room twirl round and round, barely visible at all from the dark hallway. Still in a surprised sort of haze, Yuzuru pulled out his cell phone, which was far too bright and stung his eyes.

Out of an instinctive concern for Tori, Yuzuru tapped a few words into the search bar. The light of his cell focused exclusively on his face, making him feel anxious and dreadful. 

_coughing up flowers_

Countless results popped up, and Yuzuru clicked into the first link he saw. He read it, curiosity and worry eating at him.

_"Hanahaki Disease is an illness that starts with one-sided love, in which the victim coughs up flower petals. The illness will go away if the feelings are returned. Otherwise it can be removed by surgery, but the feelings fade away along with it. Failure to remove the illness through conventional means or otherwise is likely to result in death. It is contracted by direct contact with coughed up petals."_

Yuzuru felt his chest tighten as he finished reading the short paragraph. _"Direct contact with coughed up petals"_ as in... exactly what he had done? Picking up the mess of flowers Tori had made? With his bare hands, no less? But of course, he was likely worrying for no reason. After all, he had no reason to catch the disease, if his conclusions were correct. He harbored no... feelings for anyone in particular. The only think alike "love" Yuzuru had ever felt was, perhaps, his dedication to his young master.

Yuzuru swallowed, his throat feeling tight. He felt choked up as if he was especially proud of Tori, or if Tori had softened towards him in an unprecedented way. Those many times where tears foolishly slipped down his face, falling; easy and ugly and clumsy. They were always happy tears, of course -- at the very least, bittersweet -- and they were never despair-ridden or disappointed. And yet, Yuzuru felt rather embarrassed recalling them. And he felt his chest tighten and his throat close at the thought and he couldn't help but wheeze and cough.

He choked out a few vibrant purple lilacs, and they fluttered to his hands. It's a few seconds before he realizes that his face is wet with tears. Yuzuru really did cry way too easily. He wiped his eyes, scolding himself over this very thing, and stood up. He stared still at the lilacs resting in his palms.

So this suffocating feeling was called love.

That stroke of jealousy he had during the circus, that vague hostility towards the idea of Tori giving his happiness to someone. It was quite shameful to be so dreadfully possessive in the past (but it wasn't as if he felt the same way now). Oh, how Yuzuru had wanted to keep Tori's innocent smile all to himself, to cherish it and keep it from being smeared in mud. How he had wanted to continue sheltering his darling, cute master from the cruel world. All along, was that happiness to serve and devotion to his Tori something he could call a legitimate affection? Were his feelings not only dedication but also love?

Yuzuru let it sink in as he walked to the servants' quarters, stumbling a small bit. His throat still felt tight and closed off. He swallowed, and gagged a bit when a bitter taste flooded his mouth. Yuzuru gave in and coughed up some yellow-orange flowers that seemed to be some sort of marigold. He wiped his mouth, trying to take deep breaths.

_How unsightly._

He was most definitely not taking this with any grace whatsoever. He lay face down on his bed and tried not to think about anything. To just close his eyes and let this go away, no thinking about flowers, no thinking about Tori, no thinking about emotions. Perhaps it was just a bizarre dream. Perhaps if he slept now, he would no longer be trapped with his feelings and this mortifying revelation would fade away. Yuzuru intended to do just this when suddenly his mind was struck with an alarming thought for what seemed like the nth time that night.

Because if Tori, too, was coughing up flowers... If he too had caught this "Hanahaki Disease", then the conclusion that had failed to cross Yuzuru's mind was boggling to think about.

Bocchama has fallen in love, too.

Initially, Yuzuru smiled at the thought. To think that the master he had served since he was young had fallen victim to something so laughable, even cliché. He knew he shouldn't make light of his young master's emotions; however it was almost otherworldly to imagine someone so outwardly childish harboring such serious feelings. But at the center of himself, Yuzuru felt an emotion he hoped he had extinguished long ago. Was it selfish, maybe, to wish that those petals were for him...?

Yuzuru dispelled this idea promptly. Not only was it improper -- just like his own situation was, frankly -- but it forced him to recall his emotions during his first live with fine. Watching Tori soar on the swing above the expansive, never-ending crowd of the Flowerfes, and watching him send his precious smile and voice to all of those people who didn't realize how lucky they were... Yuzuru remembered how he had initially wanted to keep it all to himself. He also remembered that he mustn't allow himself to be selfish enough to do so. He can't, he shouldn't...

Yuzuru felt another burst of flowers try to escape from his throat, and he tried to swallow them down just as he tried to choke down his memories. Failing once more, tiny white flowers -- Yuzuru vaguely recognized as them laurels -- tumbled out of his mouth. How ironic that the reason these particular flowers were trying to flee his lungs was because he was recalling the Festival of "Flowers". 

Yuzuru had no reason to try and wish for otherwise, though. The flowers Tori was coughing up were most likely for the Transfer Student, or Eichi, or even one of his friends like Hajime or Tsukasa. He pushed it out of his mind, banishing all improper wishes from his head. He let his eyes close, and felt his breathing become ragged. He couldn't do anything about it though, not right then, and eventually he drifted to sleep.

＊

Tori awoke startled, and with a sour taste in his mouth. Wisps of a dream lingered in his mind, a dream that was unpleasant and yet enjoyable, but he couldn't grasp it in time and it slipped away before he could remember. He glanced outside his tall, extravagant windows to get a sense of the time.

The sky was pale, pink, and faded, so Tori assumed it was early in the morning still. It wasn't every day he woke up so early on a day off, so he sat up from his bed, intending to take King outside for a walk in the relatively chilly air. He opened his bedroom door, yawning loudly and stretching. As Tori began to trot down the stairs to the main entrance, a voice resounded from the opposite side of the hallway.

" _Bocchama_ , good morning. You're up early."

Tori's heart jumped in his chest at the sudden sound of Yuzuru's voice. He looked to his right side, where it came from, and spotted Yuzuru's eyes boring into him curiously. Tori was suddenly reminded of why he probably woke up so early in the first place -- he couldn't sleep because of those weirdo flowers -- and felt very small. He looked away and tried his best to look mature.

"Yeah, well, I couldn't sleep very well," he explained in a pouty tone. "It doesn't matter, anyway."

A flash of acknowledgement crossed Yuzuru's eyes for a second until he blinked quickly and it was gone. Yuzuru was already dressed in his butler uniform and was holding a handheld vacuum. He took a few steps down the fancy hallway so he was more in Tori's general area. 

"I see. Would you like some help taking King out?"

"Ehh? Since when do you offer to take King out with me?" Tori asked incredulously, narrowing his eyes. Yuzuru smiles that sweet but cold smile of his.

"I would like to speak with you apart from Imouto-gimi."

"Isn't Ayako- _chan_ still asleep? Yuzuru, why are you being so --"

  " _Bocchama_." Yuzuru smiled sympathetically, and a serious tone hardened his voice. Tori almost let himself cower under his powerful tone, but instead he puffed his chest and endured. "I insist."

  "W-Whatever..."

Tori walked past Yuzuru, who followed him down the steps into the main room. He pat his legs, and whisper-yelled "King!" to the room around him. His dog came bounding from the kitchen, panting and drooling excitedly. It was just like him to be excited even in the morning. Tori watched Yuzuru grip his sleeve. Ignoring it, he clipped the leash onto King, who sat patiently in front of Tori.

  "Yuzuru, do you wanna walk King?" Tori offered cautiously, holding the end of the leash out to him. Yuzuru gave the dog a wary gaze, and took the leash. 

  "Ah... King, behave, please..." Yuzuru whimpered. At the mention of his name, King turned his head to face the speaker. Yuzuru jumped, and glanced at Tori, as if checking to see if he was watching Yuzuru's horrible display of authority. He tried to force a smile, and tugged on King's leash.

  "King, urgh... Let's go..." he tried, but instead of obeying, the stubborn dog lay down on his stomach. He panted innocently, as if he had no idea what he was doing wrong. Yuzuru narrowed his eyes and radiated loathing. Tori snickered, and pushed King a little bit with his foot. He squatted down, rubbing King's ears.

  "Kiiing, listen to Yuzuru, okay~? Can you do that for me, boy?"

King stood up eagerly. His tail wagged. Yuzuru held the leash tight, held it like his life depended on it, and tried tugging again. The dog did not move.

  "Apologies, _Bocchama_. You know that King and I are not on... good terms." Yuzuru shot a side-eyed glare at King, who dumbly stared back at him. Tori giggled smugly, taking the leash back from Yuzuru.

  "That's because he loves his master more than anyone," Tori bragged, cooing as he leaned down to pet King. "Isn't that right, King? Hee hee, good boy, good boy~♪"

King barked, and licked Tori's face lovingly. He laughed. Yuzuru almost felt the need to clutch his heart at the endearing scene unfolding before him.

  "Fufu, _Bocchama_ is still the cutest in the world, aren't you... How I wish I had a camera~♪" Yuzuru fawned, smiling widely. He took a deep breath, almost feeling the tight grip around his lungs loosen for a moment. No, perhaps he was only imagining it. Tori stuck his lip out, pouting again.

  "Hey, don't treat me like a kid," he whined. "How would you like it if I started calling you cute here and there?"

The two of them began to walk outside. Yuzuru opened the door for Tori and his companion, and watched them leave the mansion before following after them. Out of habit or some kind of strange, instinctual obligation, Yuzuru trailed behind Tori a few paces. When Tori noticed, he looked at him as if he was an alien.

  "What are you doing? If you're going to help, then help, Slave." Their eyes met, and Tori continued. "King's not gonna bite you or whatever, I'm holding his leash."

  "A-Ah, yes. I was ju--" he started to explain himself, started to explain that he didn't feel as if he was worthy to be by Tori's side as if -- as if they were _friends_ \-- but he cut himself off. "I apologize."

  "Don't apologize, it doesn't matter," Tori shrugged, hmph'ing haughtily. "What does matter is why you decided to come with me for once instead of watching me from sixty feet away. I don't need protection anymore, y'know!"

Yuzuru's fists tightened, and he tried to control his breathing. Tori needs to know. Yuzuru himself needed to know, so he could make sure that Tori's heart wasn't broken by whoever he had tragically fallen for. To protect him. Because Yuzuru's feelings didn't matter, after all, if only his beloved Tori was content and happy and safe and loved.

  "I noticed last night, that you were coughing up... flowers," he managed, trying painfully to appear collected. Tori's eyes widened, clearly shocked that Yuzuru knew anything of the sort.

  "Err, uh~h, I don't know what you're talking about, Slave~" Tori sputtered out, red in the face. Yuzuru glowered disapprovingly.

  " _Bocchama~a_ , I don't appreciate lying~" he smiled, teasing him as his voice rang sweetly. "Tell Yuzuru the truth~♪"

"Urgh... Fine," Tori complied as he acknowledged Yuzuru's intimidating expression. "Yeah, I have... It's really weird."

"Who is it...?"

"Eh? What do you mean who is it?" Tori stared dumbly.

"Who are the flowers for? Who did this to you, _Bocchama_?"

"I don't know what you're talking about~? Try making more sense, Yuzuru!"

Yuzuru stared at Tori, almost startled. "You don't know what's happening to you?"

Tori cocked his head, confirming Yuzuru's suspicions. He shook his head disdainfully, afraid to have to break the fact to him. But... he told him. Yuzuru told Tori of his unrequited love, and of the dangers of leaving it untreated. And about the alarming possibility of rejection, or even worse, death. 

"D-D-D-Die?!" Tori stuttered, blanching. "I don't wanna die! I'm t-too young and adorable and talented to die!"

Yuzuru resisted the urge to reach out and take the cowering Tori in his arms. They were past those times, and besides, Tori might have been annoyed by it. Ah, but how he wished to comfort him on his own, to hold him close and tell him that he wouldn't allow anything to happen to him. Cradling his master in his arms and whispering to him...

Yuzuru coughed, but it was more similar to clearing his throat, since he forbade the mourning bride flowers to come bursting from his throat. Oh, he'd have to swallow... Yuzuru swallowed the flower petals, and hoped his minor incident wasn't too noticeable to Tori, who was still panicked. He felt as if he was just a bit nauseous, but pushed on nonetheless.

  " _Bocchama_ , do you have any idea who your love could be for?"

  "... I don't know."

  "You don't know," Yuzuru echoed, seeming the tiniest bit disbelieving. 

"Aren't you being nosy?" Tori asked, raising his head as he squat down. Yuzuru watched him throw a toy for King, half-dazzled -- he had almost always watched this action from a distance, and now he was right beside it.

"I have served you since childhood, _Bocchama_. I forbid you to die now from some pointless illness."

"I won't die," he grumbled in reply. "I don't even know who the stupid flowers are for."

Yuzuru found himself at a loss for further conversation, so he watched Tori peacefully play with his dog. He got mud on his clothes, but at this Yuzuru was not surprised, since he watched him return from almost every morning trip dirty. Just as Tori seemed to be tiring of it, the two of them heard a loud cry coming from the mansion.

" _Onii-chan_ , Butler- _chan_ , where are you...!" a voice that belonged to Tori's sister, Ayako, rang out. Tori and Yuzuru made eye contact, and Yuzuru smiled. 

"Fufu, I suppose we're late for breakfast, aren't we...♪"

＊

The next day, once Yuzuru had suffered through a mostly restless night of coughing and hacking and choking up flowers, was a school day. It wasn't like he had any idea how he was going to stop thinking and worrying about Tori enough -- when had he ever? -- to make the petals stop coming during class, but he had to manage it somehow. Hopefully his classmates would have mercy on him to not mention anything to the teacher, or he might be taken to the infirmary... Or even worse, sent home.

Nonetheless, Yuzuru woke up at daybreak to get ready. He blinked away his growing tiredness, and slipped out of his room quietly. He went down the hall and knocked on Tori's door timidly before opening it. 

"Time to wake up...♪" he whispered gently, drawing nearer to Tori's bedside. Tori grumbled and pulled the blankets over his head even more. Yuzuru sighed, and shook his head in disapproval. 

" _Bocchama_ , you have class today."

Tori groans. Yuzuru smiled mischievously and reached his arms out to scoop his master from his bed.

"Eep!" Tori squeaked, staring at Yuzuru with wide eyes. Yuzuru held him bridal-style, a warm smile evident upon his face. 

"Honestly, Bocchama, I haven't had to do this since..." he trailed off, a cold reminder littering the bed that he had stripped of its comforter. It was full of flowers -- of deep pink roses and pink variegated flowers and wild tansies and blue violets -- scattered all over the sheets. A small bullet struck and nearly shattered Yuzuru's heart, knowing that this was likely the byproduct of a lot of pain. Tori looked down shamefully, and the smile faded from Yuzuru's face. 

"Yuzuru..." Tori mumbled. Yuzuru set Tori down carefully. The floor thumped as Tori's toddling feet hit the floor.

"Go get ready downstairs. I'll clean up this mess," he told him, and beckoned him out. He barely could have gotten another word in before Tori had exited the room. And not a second too soon, for Yuzuru was starting to cough and cough and cough again... He leaned painfully over Tori's bed, and this time, geraniums fell from his lips one by one by one. They fell onto the bed, joining the others. Yuzuru frowned, realizing what geraniums were infamous for symbolizing.

 _Jealousy. Envy. Selfishness_.

The same emotion he thought he had extinguished, put an end to, since all that time ago. But here it was, resurfacing. Or maybe it had never truly left. 

_Ah... I have it bad_.

Really, _really_ bad. Yuzuru scooped up the flowers, now with no anxieties of catching the disease, and walked them over to the toilet carefully. Once he had flushed all of the flowers that Tori had coughed up in his sleep -- and that _he_ had coughed up in his unpleasant scene -- Yuzuru made the bed and left the room with a small guilt riding on his back.

Tori was obviously in pretty deep too, though. Or at least at night, when he had, perhaps, nothing else to think about. Yuzuru tried to push away his guilt. How awful was it to wish Tori's illness was for him? There was clearly someone better than himself for Tori to love. And surely that someone would return his master's feelings, right...? Because it was impossible not to love Tori, right...?

Yuzuru shook his head as he stripped the bed of its sheets. How discouraging it was to acknowledge that hardly anyone saw Tori in the light that he did. How painful it was to realize that no one saw Tori for the brave, matured person he was on the inside. Or to know that no one else had watched Tori grow up to be the wonderful person he was. How terrible it felt to know that whenever Tori shared his smile -- his song, his laugh, his happiness -- the recipient wouldn't get the full context, nor the page-turning story of Tori's growth. Yuzuru wished everyone could see his _Bocchama_ like he did.

How he had wanted to keep it to himself. How it had hurt to finally let Tori loose into the real world. But how it had paid off, to be able to watch Tori grow and become the person he was. He smiled bitterly at the thought of it all and made sure to dispose of the previously flower-ridden sheets into the laundry room downstairs. He grabbed Tori's school uniform from the dryer and called for him. Tori was sitting drowsily at the couch in the spacious living room, probably waiting for Yuzuru to return so he could actually go into his bedroom again. 

Yuzuru nodded his permission at him, but Tori remained motionless. Sleeping again. Yuzuru sighed and stood him up forcibly, stripping Tori's pajamas off on his own. He yawned and relaxed, until he realized what Yuzuru was doing. Tori reddened. 

  "Oi! D-Don't treat me like a baby! I can dress myself!" he complained, suddenly wide awake and pushing Yuzuru away. Yuzuru gave him his uniform wordlessly.

  "Yes, you're right. _Bocchama_ is an independent young boy, after all," he responded. "Can you tie your tie without me today too, then?"

  "Er..." Tori paused, but Yuzuru was already smiling.

  "Wonderful. I'll see you at breakfast." Yuzuru flaunted the small flicker of playfulness in his eyes and excused himself from the living room to go to the bathroom, where he promptly started hacking up pansies. Although he was relieved that he didn't lose composure right in front of Tori, holding it in made something in his throat burn with a fierce pain. But Yuzuru was a natural at holding things inside him, after all, so he brushed the discomfort away. Because the more he thought about how much he wanted to be able to embrace Tori and dote on him again, and bury in him in all the love he absolutely _deserved_ , the more he had to resist the urge to cough his lungs out.

Breakfast proceeded mostly uneventfully -- save maybe for Yuzuru excusing himself to the bathroom once or twice -- so Yuzuru straddled his backpack and began his trek to Yumenosaki, Tori at his side. Yuzuru leaned down and wiped Tori's mouth of an unfortunate remnant of breakfast, troubled expression plaguing his face.

"Clean your face."

＊

"Yuzuru- _chan_ , you're not looking that good," Arashi whispered in the middle of second period, trying discreetly to move her chair a bit closer. "What happened? You can tell me~"

Yuzuru sent an anxious glance at their teacher, and bit his lip.

  "Don't worry about me, Narukami- _sama_."

Arashi narrowed her eyes.  
  "It's my _job_ to worry about you. We're friends, aren't we?" she replied quietly, her eyes smiling. The teacher glared at Arashi, who threw a glance at him innocently. She slid her hand over and rested it on Yuzuru's. It was pleasantly warm.

  "Talk to me, okay~?" she murmured before she squeezed his hand and scooted her chair back to her desk. Yuzuru breathed deeply, thinking that perhaps it felt good to have someone worry about him in such a way. Thinking that perhaps he felt he could breathe a bit easier, if only for a moment. But perhaps he was merely imagining it.

During fourth period -- their "study hall" period without any type of supervision -- was when it exceeded his control. He didn't know how his thoughts had wandered to him again -- it seemed like a curse, now -- but before Yuzuru knew it he was worrying about Tori. How was he doing? Was he coughing, too? Was he trying to repress the petals, too? Was he okay? And so, Yuzuru was coughing flowers into his hands while he was trying to complete his work, trying his best to conceal them. Closing his hands around them, swallowing them, hiding them in his desk; _anything_. 

"Woah, uh --" someone who Yuzuru knew as Mao Isara stopped by his desk, quickly looking him up and down with worry -- "Fushimi, are you okay? You should go to the infirmary!"

Mao had held a small stack of papers -- he was probably about to hand them off to Yuzuru -- but he set them down. Yuzuru tried in vain to hide his embarrassing state. Mao gasped quietly, and winced at the petals fluttering as Yuzuru struggled to be rid of them.

  "Fushimi... you too..." Mao glanced around, making sure no one was staring or listening in. "Makoto told me that his troublesome friend from _Knights_ caught it too, really bad." He lowered his voice. "Hanahaki."

  "Others are experiencing the same as I am, Isara- _sama_?" Yuzuru responded after taking caution to consider his words. Mao nodded. 

  "Jeez, I don't want to spread rumors, but... yeah. It's going around a little bit."

Yuzuru smiled. "Well, I apologize for worrying you. I'm alright, I assure you."

  "You don't look alright," Mao muttered dubiously. "Are you sure you're alright, Yuzuru? You should really go to the infirmary about that."

  "Yes," Yuzuru tried to smile, "I insist. I'll stop by the bathroom to clean up, if Isara- _sama_ is really that concerned about me."

Without letting Mao utter another word, Yuzuru frantically stepped from his desk and into the hallway. Almost the entirety of the 2-B class exchanged puzzled glances. Arashi blinked, staring at Yuzuru as he let the door fall shut behind him. She, obviously troubled to some extent, pursed her lips. Suddenly her head turned and eyes lit up. Clearly, Arashi had some inkling of an idea.

  "Mika- _chan_! Can you please go to the bathroom and make sure Yuzuru- _chan_ is okay?" she asked, taking Mika's hand. Mika's eyes widened, taken by surprise by his friend.

  "Ya want me to make sure Yukkun is okay~?" he repeated. "Ngh, sure, but what's wrong? Did somethin' happen to 'im?"

  "I don't know! He won't talk to me so you'll have to try, Mika- _chan_ ~" Arashi winked. "Fufu, I believe in you~! Now go!"

Arashi gave Mika a light push, and Mika stumbled into the hallway (keeping his balance rather gracefully, at least for  someone like him). The door closed behind him. Mika crept to the boys' bathroom, wondering what possibly could be bothering someone like Yuzuru. Someone who, quite honestly, intimidated him a bit as a member of _fine_ , and as someone who always seemed to have his life together. It was so strange to imagine him as something other than... well, perfection...? Mika grimaced at the thought of another one of his friends being regarded as if they were a flawless doll, and peeked around the corner of the bathroom. 

The prestigious member of fine looked like he was washing something in the sink. Mika stayed hyper-focused on him, determined to decipher what this distant boy's troubles were made of. Although, he did kind of feel like bolting back to his class right then. If he was caught, jeez, he couldn't begin to predict how a member of a unit like _fine_ would react... Scary. Mika tried to tell himself not to judge him too quickly -- after all, had they ever spoken? In merely once instance, perhaps -- but no matter how he looked at Yuzuru, he couldn't help but feel daunted. Yuzuru now held something in his hands, dumping it into the sink. 

_They fluttered...?_

Yuzuru stared into the sink, perhaps at the ingredients he had dumped into the drain. Stared, and stared, and stared. Mika observed him doing so, dumbstruck by the troubled expression Yuzuru wielded. Mika leaned in, watching Yuzuru's eyes, which were no longer content and playful like he remembered them being when he inspected them as he passed in the hall, or full of joy and affection like Mika had noticed when he was performing with his unit in the past. They merely stared, troubled and melancholic. 

Suddenly Yuzuru retched and coughed, and he coughed up flower petals into the sink. Yuzuru gasped for air, and Mika inhaled sharply and audibly, alarmed. Yuzuru paused and wiped his mouth, glancing suspiciously in the general direction of Mika. Mika quickly dodged his gaze, and hid behind the wall separating the hallway from the bathroom. He pressed his back desperately against it.

_Please don't see me, please don't see me, please don't see me --_

  "Excuse me, is there someone here?" an accusing voice resounded; no doubt it was the hypnotizing voice of the butler. Mika's chest was going crazy, beating and beating and beating what felt like sixty times a second. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, hoping -- praying -- that Yuzuru would ignore him.

  "Can I help you?" Yuzuru stood in front of him; Mika could tell by the location of his voice. He still refused to open his eyes, though. Yuzuru cleared his throat. Mika gave in and opened his eyes. Yuzuru stood four centimeters above him, staring him down. Mika merely gawked at him for a second, taking in his attractive but scarily disapproving face.

  "E-Er... Ya caught... hanahaki..."

Yuzuru narrowed his eyes, wincing in what looked like humiliation. "Yes."

Mika looked around and stepped into the bathroom. Yuzuru followed him curiously. "Yukkun, right? Didn't we meet at th' Flowerfes?"

  "Fufu, that's quite a cute nickname. I'm flattered." Yuzuru smiled but then scrunched up his face, confused. "However, I don't recall such a meeting."

Mika reddened. "Er, sorry! I wouldn't expect ya to remember something unimportant like that..."

  "Fufu, please don't take it personally -- Kagehira- _sama_ , was it...? The Flower Festival was only a stressful time for me, is all."

  "K-Kagehira- _sama_...?" Mika sputtered. "Ya don't need to address me so politely, ya know!"

Yuzuru's smile became warmer. "No, I insist."

  "Nn, thanks, I guess." Mika smiled back at him. "Are ya okay? I mean, yer coughin' up those flowers n' stuff..."

  "Ah, of course. You shouldn't worry about me, really."

  "Hey, ya shouldn't lie to people," Mika retaliated immediately in an accusing but soothing tone. Yuzuru grimaced and looked to the tile floor uncomfortably. 

"To tell the truth, I've been having trouble with all of this..." he said after a short silence -- he looked down distantly at the sink covered in yellow tulip petals -- "but there's no use in trying to fight it, is there, now?"

  "Do ya really think that? Have ya..." -- Mika looked to the side, avoiding eye contact, as if he were hesitant to give advice to someone he had more or less just become acquainted with -- "considered confessin'?"

Yuzuru sent him a disgusted look as if the very idea was far too bizarre to even think about. "That's ridiculous. He'd never... He deserves better."

  "Nn? Ya believe that?" Mika perked up. "That probably ain't true, though?"

Yuzuru laughs, albeit a bit scornfully. "Perhaps you're right. But it's not as if he acts particularly fond of me either."

  "Would it be rude ta' ask who yer flowers are for...?" Mika asked as he covered his mouth hesitantly. "Ya just don't seem like the type to get lovesick so bad."

As Mika watched Yuzuru's face become distraught, he immediately regretted asking such a question. A brief feeling of guilt swallowed him, but Yuzuru began to speak before he could try to apologize.

  "Nngh," he tried, "well..." 

Yuzuru spaced out for a second, flinched, and suddenly stumbled to lean over the sink again. He coughed and coughed, and Mika watched him helplessly, like a bystander of an act of terror. When the hacking and wheezing had ceased, Mika peeked over Yuzuru's shoulder into the sink. He choked to see it dotted -- no, it was actually quite plentiful -- with thick, red liquid. It was... blood...? Mika sputtered and gasped. 

  "Yukkun! Are ya okay? Oh man, there's so much blood..."

Yuzuru looked into the sink, and bit his lip. Blood, blood, blood. He knew the scent. He knew what it was like to see  it and to taste it in the air. It was yet another memory he wanted to be rid of. An incident he wished to forget completely. A bloody, bloody incident, so much blood, so much...

"Agh, Yukkun, look at me!" Mika grabbed one of Yuzuru's shoulders, but Yuzuru stayed unresponsive. "I'm seriously startin' to get worried!"

"I'm... just feeling a bit dizzy --" Yuzuru began, words shaking and slurring together. His eyelids felt heavy, his head felt weightless, and, much to his later embarrassment, he felt his body slump onto Mika, and fall victim to sleep. Mika let out a short yell of surprise, suddenly struggling to hold Yuzuru's limp body in his arms. 

"Yukkun...!" he grunted worriedly. 

_What do I do, oh man, oh man, what do I do?_ Mika's eyes darted wildly around, and his eyes landed on the door to the hallway. Immediately he stumbled back over to the 2-B classroom, and called out to them outside the door. Fortunately, it seemed as if fourth period was still in session. He called out, and his voice barely resounded loud enough to hear from within the classroom.

"Everyone...! Ngh, I'm needin' some help with Yukkun!"

Quickly, within seconds, Arashi arrived at the doorframe of the 2-B classroom. She immediately gasped and rushed over to them. She rested her hand worriedly on Yuzuru's unconscious head.

"Yuzuru- _chan_! Oh no, oh no, what happened to him? What did he do?"

Mika considered trying to hide the bloody flower petals sticking to Yuzuru's chest, but Arashi was already staring at them.

She growled. "Hanahaki."

＊

Yuzuru woke up slowly, and didn't open his eyes although he was awake. The sheets beneath him were icy and cold, and the room smelled alarmingly clean. He knew he had been taken to the infirmary. Much, of course, to his annoyance. Despite having slept for who knows how long, he still felt rather drowsy and lightheaded. Perhaps at the memory of the sight of blood. Yuzuru shivered in the hospital bed just recalling it.

His past had been bloodier than the average childhood, if he were to admit it. He didn't like calling upon memories of it -- he loathed to, in fact -- but it was unfortunate times like these that he was forced to do so anyway. But... he had never had an incident like this at school before. And definitely not in front of anyone who didn't have a reasonable explanation. Not in front of anyone who didn't claim the Himemiya bloodline. Those people that had saved him from such a horrible childhood, and that he was eternally indebted to.

Sometimes he thought about that day -- back when he was young and vulnerable and impressionable to any idea -- when Tori had found him and shown him kindness, as if he were his savior. To that day, Yuzuru didn't really understand why he did it, or why he had been so kind and giving to someone he didn't even really know. That's why he hated it when others treated his savior as if he only held interest in himself -- because it was far, far from the truth, and Yuzuru knew it positively from his own experience. _Bocchama is truly a wonderful person_ , he'd tell himself while watching over him. _I want to be by his side and support him forever,_ he'd tell Tori, _because I was born to serve him._

Something prompted Yuzuru to open his eyes. Mika was anxiously sitting beside him, and perked up when he saw him awaken. Yuzuru blinked incredulously, somewhat surprised he had not sensed his classmate's presence before now. 

  "Yukkun!" Mika breathed, relief flooding his tone. "Yer alive."

Yuzuru managed to smile genuinely at his concern. "Fufu, of course I am. I'm flattered you worried about me, Kagehira- _sama_."

"Course' I worried bout' ya! Ya passed out with no warnin' at all, I had no idea what coulda happened to ya!"

"I'm sorry for my carelessness. It must have been a bother for you and the others."

"Mgh? Nah, nah, everyone was happy to help ya out but..." Mika spoke as his face shifted guiltily, "everyone, they all found out bout' yer sickness."

"Aah, that's rather unfortunate. But I haven't exactly been trying to hide..." Yuzuru paused, and his expression tightened, remembering that, of course, the very person he was trying to keep his true feelings from also attended Yumenosaki. "Ah. By everyone, do you mean...?"

Mika nodded solemnly. "We ended up passin' by the courtyard during lunch on the way here... N' everyone saw all the flowers on yer uniform...."

Yuzuru bit his lip, glancing at the numerous petals -- some still slightly stained in blood-- sticking to his blazer. Mika kept talking, pity and sympathy lacing his voice. "Naru- _kun_ was all fumin' mad when she found out. Said ya were lettin' yer master control ya again."

"So Narukami- _sama_ knows who...?"

"Yeah... I think she mighta had a feeling." Mika offered him a smile. "But she only wants to protect ya, ya know? She does the same thing with _Oshi-san_ n' me, so I kinda know how ya feel."

"Yes, Narukami- _sama_ is quite overbearing..." Yuzuru suddenly smiles warmly at Mika. "Kagehira- _sama_. Thank you for dealing with all of the trouble I've caused. You're much more admirable than I initially took you for."

Mika's face became red again, little splotches forming like puddles atop his cheeks. "E-Er, ya don't need to thank me; we're friends, right, Yukkun? I'm hopin'?"

Yuxuru paused, briefly startled at the mention of friendship, but then nodded in acceptance, somewhat touched. "Of course."

  "Ya know, Yukkun, yer a lot less scary in person. When _Valkyrie_ watches ya guys in _fine_ perform, ya always look so..." Mika stopped to think. "Ya look so focused, nd' sure of yerself."

  " _fine_ is Yumenosaki's top unit. We must act like it."

  "Nah, not that. It's like -- like ya would stay up there forever if ya could. I can tell ya really like bein' up there."

The bell sounded, leaving Yuzuru struck, well, in awe. He did. He really loved performing. Even if his only role was to accompany Tori through his aspirations, rather than his own, Yuzuru really, truly loved being an idol. It was rare that he stopped to dwell about it, or even consider it. He exhaled, and he thought his throat felt much more free than it had been before.

  "Mgh, tha's class. See ya later, Yukkun. I know ya can do it."

Mika left the infirmary at the very instant the bell rang. Yuzuru intended to lay down again, maybe sleep for a while, but another knock sounded against the wall. Surprisingly, and perhaps fortunately too, it was another familiar face. Maybe too familiar.

  "Hey, Yuzuru, what were you doing, making a scene in front of everyone like that?" he scoffed, trying not to soften. "What'd you do? You caught it, dummy?"

His _Bocchama_. 

"It seems that way. Pay no concern to me, _Bocchama_. You are already suffering much more than I am, isn't that right? Haven't you caught the disease, as well?"

  "You knew that already," Tori huffed. "And obviously you've got it way, way, way worse than I do! You're the one who's dying during class...!"

  "I'm not dying... Not yet, anyway ♪"

  "Jeez, do I have baby _you_ now? This is so weird of you!" Tori crossed his arms. "You should take care of yourself, Slave! Cause, y'know, I'm the one who's gonna have to deal with you if you don't!"

  " _Bocchama_..."

In one moment Yuzuru softened and in the next he was coughing, coughing again. Petals escaped his mouth again, in large upheavals, falling pathetically and helplessly to his chest.

"I'm so happy for whoever will get to see that adorable smile of yours every day," he choked out with a smile of his own after he ceased his wheezing. Tori looked dismayed, and as if he had put two and two together.

"How can you be so happy when you're dying, Yuzuru...?"

"As long as _Bocchama_ is happy, Yuzuru is happy as well...~♪"

Yuzuru had not once considered getting the horrible flowers that cursed him and plagued his lungs removed. Selfish though it might have been -- selfish though it probably was -- he wouldn't give up his dedication, his love, for anything. Not even for life. Death seemed so far away and so void of any kind of certainty, and yet it was something that Yuzuru was willing to embrace if it meant his feelings would not be a hindrance to his Tori. Terrifying though the idea of death was, it was his job to dote on Tori, and not the other way around. He would take it to the grave; after all, Tori had saved his life, so it was only fitting.

Tori himself, however, was clearly not pleased with Yuzuru's insistence.

"Stop caring so much about me!" he scolded. "One of these times you're going to hurt yourself, or even die because of me, and then I'm really gonna be mad at you!"

"That's my job, _Bocchama_. Serving you is what I was born for."

"You're wrong!" Tori shouted, his high-pitched voice getting worked up. "I didn't ask for a servant, or a slave, or whatever! All I wanted... was a friend... Why can't you understand that, Yuzuru? Why? Why can't something else make you happy besides me? Why can't your flowers be for anyone besides me?"

Tori coughed, and unsurprisingly, at least to Tori himself, who anticipated this awful, dreadful outcome, flowers sprouted from his lips. Volkamenia. _"May you be happy"_. An icy bullet struck Yuzuru, realization, maybe even a twisted hope, hitting him all at once. No, it had to be impossible. He had to be hoping for too much. He had to. There was no way his selfish desires and dreams could actually have been reality all along... But the two of them stood in silence for a terrible, suspended moment, and the more they didn't speak -- the more Tori stood there quietly, staring embarrassed at the tiny purple flowers peppering his shirt -- the more he wanted to believe it was so. The more he _did_ believe it was so. The more he wanted to confirm it was so.

" _Bocchama_... Do you know who your petals are for?"

Tori hiccuped, looking tearfully at the ground, and said in a small yet passionate voice, "You, dummy! I care about you!"

Tori coughed and coughed, and finally managed to clear his throat of the red tulip petals that lay dormant there. They fluttered to the ground without any further retorts. Tori wanted to step on them and crush them for good, to make up for all the trouble they had caused for him these past few weeks. Finally he was rid of them, finally, finally...

Yuzuru almost asked him to repeat what he said, for fear he had simply imagined it. He blinked, and sensed the teardrops sticking to his eyelashes without any warning, yet again. It was such a silly, pointless thing to be crying over -- something as trivial as the concept of love -- but he found himself doing it time and time and time again. It was true, then? His fantasies, his daydreams rang true this entire time? Was this the true reason for his mortifying and easily summoned tears?

"Oiii, what's going on in here?" Sagami barked, casually pulling open the curtain. He glanced at Tori, who skittered frantically in surprise. "You, the pink-haired one. You're supposed to be in class."

"E-Eep! Y-Y-Yessir!" Tori scampered out of the infirmary. Sagami looked surprised at Tori's fear and sudden exit, then looked at Yuzuru.

"Hm. Hanahaki, huh? I've been seeing it around."

"Yes, I've heard such rumors as well," Yuzuru replied politely. "However, I really think that I'll be fine, Sagami- _sensei_...?"

"No way, buster," Sagami sniffed, "you're going home. Do you have plans to remove it yet, or do you wanna schedule an appointment...?"

"Not necessary," Yuzuru prodded impatiently. "I'm healthy, I insist."

Sagami raised his eyebrows. "I'm serious here. I can't have my students dying on me, you know?"

"And I'm serious as well, Sagami- _sensei_."

"If that's really what you want." Sagami sighed. "I still have to send you home. Protocol and all."

Yuzuru inhaled, finally being able to feel the air fill his lungs. Free, he was free, he was finally free. Free to breathe again, and free to love and free to think. Yuzuru breathed deeply his entire walk home, enjoying his freedom and his liberation of unrequited love. When he arrived home, Yuzuru slept, and he slept well with the comfort that his feelings -- even if he didn't know how or why -- were not in vain.

＊

When Yuzuru awoke finally, the sun was setting into dark. He could still feel the the tired and fading rays touching his back through the expansive window of the servants' quarters. He turned to face it, only to turn to face the sleeping Tori that was clinging cutely to Yuzuru's torso. Yuzuru smiled and gazed at him. He was pleasantly surprised he had came to bed with him after he was so embarrassed; his pride so hurt, his true feelings so exposed. Tori was sleeping, his face cute and droopy as always. 

Yuzuru didn't know what enabled him to want to leave a kiss on Tori's lips after everything he'd been through; perhaps now it was merely the knowledge that his feelings were returned. He felt the love and affection overflowing in his heart, felt the smiling expression cursed to stay upon his face, and felt the warm and comforting presence of his darling Tori at his side. Yuzuru leaned into him, closed his eyes, and quietly, gently, softly kissed Tori's lips as he still was asleep. Tori didn't shoot awake immediately; in fact, he even went so far as to smile in his sleep and begin to press his body into his pillow even further. He mumbled and slowly woke, eyelids half closed and voice quiet and low. Tori's lips pursed and his face quickly heated up as he processed what he been done to him as he slept. 

  "Good morning, _Bocchama_ ♪" Yuzuru said as the sun set behind him and Tori looked rather flustered in front of him.

  "M-Morning..." Tori yawned, and avoided eye contact. "W-W-What do you think you're doing, j-just doing whatever you want with me while I sleep...?"

  "Apologies. I can't help myself. _Bocchama_ is the cutest after all~♪"

  "Yuzuru..." Tori smiled and let his face hit the pillow again. "Ehehe, yep, yep, you're to~tally right."

Yuzuru suddenly grabbed Tori from in front of him and pulled him close in a tight, tight hug. Just as Tori used to allow him to do, just as he had done in the past. He embraced him as if it were the last time he would ever do so. He felt his heart grow, if that was possible, just by holding him in his arms.

  "Yuzuru...! Too tight...!"

  "I... love you, _Bocchama_."

Tori suddenly softened at those words, and ceased struggling. He gripped Yuzuru's shoulder in return, clutching it gratefully, even desperately.

"Y-Yeah. Me too..."

They stayed in their mutual embrace for a few more seconds before Tori cutely took advantage of his position and daintily -- nervously -- kissed Yuzuru's ear. He spoke softly to him.

"Y'know... All those people who helped you, like that guy from _Knights_ and the guy with the weird eyes. You gotta thank them, y'know? They're your friends, right?"

Yuzuru exhaled. "That's right, _Bocchama_. Narukami- _sama_ and Kagehira- _sama_ \-- no, my classmates are all my friends," he confirmed, finally even believing it for himself. Tori tucked his head into the nook of Yuzuru's neck, seeming somewhat haughty -- as per usual -- but also happy, and oddly satisfied. 

  "Good," Tori hmph'd in content reply, nuzzling into his partner. Since he didn't have to watch the reaction he caused, Tori also mumbled with nervousness, "A-And... You don't have to use honorifics now... As long as no one's around for you to ruin my reputation..." 

Yuzuru bit his lip but then closed his eyes happily, and rested his hand -- which was when he had noticed he had not yet changed out of his uniform -- on Tori's dainty but proud head.

  "Fufu... Tori, Tori... ♪" -- _It feels nice hearing myself say it,_ he mused -- "You are the most precious thing in the world."

He tipped his head and moved his gaze over to meet Tori's.  He had only intended to stare -- after all, what kind of person would steal two kisses, right in a row, no matter how lovestruck they were? -- but then something shifted. Before Yuzuru felt Tori shift, he felt the world shift, as if the very action was making an impact on not only himself but also on every living, breathing being surrounding him. Or something like that. Tori quickly snuck to face him, face to face, and -- with his face deeply red and his eyes tightly closed -- kissed Yuzuru's lips. Yuzuru let it happen, and briefly reciprocated with something resembling disbelief still stuck to the back of his mind like glue. Like something out of a movie, he blinked when he realized his vision was blurry, and felt a tear or two drip down from his eyes onto his smiling lips that gently rested against Tori's. In an instant, Yuzuru shamefully pulled away and wiped his tears. 

Crying again...

  "Hnn," Tori started, thankfully sparing Yuzuru confrontation about his silly, senseless tears, "You're not awful at kisses, for a slave~♪"

  " _Onii-chan_!" a tiny, sugary voice that undoubtably belonged to Ayako called out aimlessly. " _Onii~ii-cha~an_!"

Yuzuru let go of Tori, and the two of them stood up suddenly. Yuzuru wiped his eyes on his blazer sleeve, and nodded his head.

  " _Imouto-gimi_ is probably hungry. I'll join the two of you as soon as I change," he promised, already turning towards the closet. 

  "Err..." -- Tori bit his lip, as if indecisive -- "Okayyy, hurry up, though, okay? Ayako- _chan_ has probably already been waiting too long."

  "Of course."

  "Nnn..." -- another embarrassed, exaggerated pause -- "Okay. L-Love you, Yuzuru...!" he sputtered, as if it were the most strange thing he had ever spoken. Tori immediately dashed out the room, and left Yuzuru's heart sick with love all over again. He smiled tenderly, clutching his chest as if he were the protagonist of a cheap shonen manga. 

  "Tori~♪" he whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> twit: @shinmetoriii
> 
> special thanks to my followers who enabled me by liking my ideas for this story, and to the ppl who voted yztori in the hanahaki poll. you guys are the real champs


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